Losing Hope
by Christy Mariano
Summary: When a gilmore girl dies everyone must learn to cope... but when someones thoughs turn to suicide, there is no one there to help. Rating due to suicidal characture and some cursing. First few chapters are small bu they will get bigger I promise!!!
1. Ch 1 the runnigs through our heads

***A/N** You must read this!!! Kay, This is my first fan fic soo it may start out kinda funny. oh yeah and I cant spell at all soo just ignore it, Kay?, thanks! Okay this story starts at one place in time and the goes back in time then it goes forwards and the back to the original time frame....so most of the story is kinda confusing....just thought you would like to know.  
  
Distribution: Yeah I dont own any gilmore girls (not that I haven't tried, though) But if you really feel the need to sue me I have got bout $4.53 in the bank so, yeah good luck!!  
Title: Losing Hope  
  
  
  
  
These people I have known all my life are lining up to look at her. My best friend in the whole wide world. They are lining up like its some show, like its a museum of freaks and they just cant wait to get in. I have the urge to scream at all of them. Tell them to leave her alone and let her rest in peace. Cant they tell she wouldn't want it this way? Cant they tell she wouldn't want them all staring at her? Why do these people who were supposed to know her so well do this? How can they just stare? Why dont they love her like I do?  
As I look around the room I see him. The love of her life. The only other person in this whole room that understands her like I do. I never noticed that before. There is no expression on his face but his eyes tell a whole different story. Even at a quick glance you can see the pain in his eyes. They truly were ment to be together no matter what she had said before...before she....before she died. Every body knew she loved him. Now they will never get the chance to be a happy little couple.   
The thing I hate most is that she was mad at me when she died. Its my fault shes dead.  
  
*******  
  
I cannot believe she is dead. The girl or woman, I suppose, I love is dead. How am I supposed to live when she not there to live with me? When she not there every morning, in the diner, for her second coffee of the day? When I never get to see her or tell her how sorry I am? I dont think I will ever be able to get over this. I feel a pain inside so great that its causing my physical and emotional destress. When they told me she was dead I felt... I dont really know how to explain it... empty... just well, empty. It was horrible. I need her. I loved.. no...love her. Now she will never know. And to make it worse she died mad at me....maybe even hating me... I cant live with that... I cant believe its my fault shes dead....but it is.   
(N/A) Okay I know its like really short but at this moment in time (its like 3am) I cannot for the life of me think of a reason for Lorelia and Rory to fight. (see how I did that?? I said it in a mysteriously so you still dont know who died. Oh yes I am evil....well not really but pretty close anyway.) So If you can help I would thank you...but if you hate my story (its a little early but ya never know) please tell me or if you like it tell me that to. Thnx!!! 


	2. Ch2 two months Earlier

Distributor: Obviously I dont own It or I would be too rich and busy to write this!!!  
  
A/N This part takes place about two or three weeks after Jess left for California (damn him!!!!) but before Lor and Rory go to Europe.  
  
Ch.2 Two Months Earlier  
Jess  
  
I miss her. I know she has every reason to be mad at me. I would be mad at me too. Hell, I am mad at me. I know I cant stay but I just have to see her. I have to make sure she doesn't hate me. I can stand her being mad but.......  
  
Rory  
  
Okay, Im at school and all I can think about is Jess. At home? Jess. Reading? Jess. Watching T.V? Jess. I cant even go to my old haunts without the presents of Jess being there. The bridge. I cant even go there any more. I kinda miss it but it hurts. Its not fair! Grrr... Its all his fault! Why did he leave? How could he just...grr....It makes me so...angry!!! I hate Jess for making me feel this way.  
  
Lorelia  
  
She wont talk to me. Me, her best friend! Or at least I thought I was. Now, it's like, shes mad at me or something. I mean, what did I do? Nothing! It was all Jess. Grr.. I really.....dislike that kid. ( I promised Luke and Rory I wouldn't say that I hated him, why, oh, why do I make these promises? I have no idea!) I guess Rory really must have liked him. That makes me mad.  
Luke  
  
I want coffee. I want donuts. I want this. I want that blah blah blah. There are way to many whiners in this town. Maybe I could kill Taylor....that would make me happy....Ahh, no more Taylor. I wonder how Jess is doing? Wait, never mind I dont want to know. He doesn't care about us ( Rory, me...so on) we wont care about him. At least I wont. I am not sure about Rory. Shes kinda freaking me out. And not in the normal way either.  
A/N Kay this is showing Rory being mad at Jess and Lorelia kinda being mad at rory (not really I have a better fight for the next chapter). But this doesn't mean its rory. In the next chapter I will show the fight between Luke and Lorelia. 


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